bored. board.

i have two more hours to kill at the miracle library. why am i even here? for one hour today i played games with little kids. they take their uno very seriously, as the losers inevitably cry every time. one of the moms gave me a dirty look today when i didn't let her kid when the game. what can i say, i'm competitive. i play uno to win.

today's the day i'm sposed to sit at the big desk and check books in and out, like a real live librarian! but now i've even been ushered away from that. i'm sitting in the office typing while everyone else around me hustles and bustles with the burden of seemingly important library activity. this flurry of people and movements circles me as i struggle to keep my eyes open, chewing gum and typing in slow motion.

and always this feeling that maybe this isn't what i'm sposed to be doing. maybe i should be helping with something--i don't know what, but something, something involving english maybe--as i have offered to do on numerous occassions. but until someone instructs me i will continue to just sit here typing, startlingly attuned to the weight of my own eyelids.

i drank a lot of soju last night. my friends urinated off of my 6th floor balcony onto unsuspecting passerby. it reminded me of a new years eve i spent in hot springs, ar a few years ago. my friends will and anne were with me, as was my manfriend at the time, chris. it was turning out to be another dismal, disappointing, subtlely soul-crushing new years--the inherent sense of holiday possibilities instead replaced by the same aloof complacency afforded people who drink too much but never get drunk. perhaps it's foolish of me to assume we all have those kinds of nights....anyhoo, the one thing that salvaged the holiday and raised our collective spirit, was the fact that i had lots of condoms in my pocket that would make perfect (albeit greasy) water balloons. so we made spermicidal water balloons and chucked them at the people below, retaliating against the holiday spirit we presumed they had. only through hurling wet prophylactic objects at complete strangers did i feel like not everything was a loss.

i go to beijing early early on saturday morning en route to tibet on sunday. so if i die, this would be my last blog post ever. of course i say that now knowing that i'll probably be in this exact location again tomorrow--in this chair at this desk of the miracle library in suncheon south korea--trying to type away the minutes until i get to leave and actually begin my life for the day. whether i die or not, this will be my last blog posting for a while, as i don't imagine i'll feel like pc bong hunting in the tibet.

i can't wait to get my hands on some yak chee-juh and yak meat.