hmm. need to get back into the habit of this. it's just been hard to do since my home internet has been sporadic at best. rambling on and on in written form requires a certain degree of privacy, and i just don't seem to have that at work. not that i should expect to be able to do something non-work related whilst at my place of employment. makes sense, i suppose. but yes...work work work.
i should reckon long and hard about my current state of affairs. having said that, i've a feeling that this here blog is going to be an exercise in relative brevity by my standards (we'll judge the accuracy of this premonition by the word count at the end). i guess the main thing worth noting would be ef. it feels strange to be a cog in the wheel of such a huge machine.
seriously, wikipedia it. this is strange good for a majority of the time. except on sundays. sundays are the days when i feel like crying for no particular reason, but i guess there probably is a reason. the last day of my working week (mondays and tuesdays off) but in the grand scheme of things, this is an improvement. in korea i had at least 3 days/week that were like that, particularly in the latter months of my tenure there. that sounds very official. tenure. of course there are also jules and rory at ef, which changes everything for the better. living at work doesn't seem so miserable when you put it in the context of working with two of your favorite people. in fucking china. yeah, that's cool. so in that respect it was easier to be unhappy when it went unnoticed in korea (due to a palpable lack of friendly-type beings with whom to have regular discourse).
besides all the other glaring/obvious differences between the china and korea, the biggest one for me has been on the emotional front (yup, here she goes... i'm even going to contradict prior statements. i like to keep me on me's toes). constantly being in the company of people who just might give a shit about me means it's not quite as easy to lie about how i'm feeling, so as to spare them the sympathy/empathy (genuine or otherwise) they feel is due. sure, i did that a lot in korea (the wallowing and whatnot), it just so happened that i was alone most of the time. there was a lot less accountability for how i was feeling. crying willy nilly with no regard for how it affected others. simply because there was no way it could have. so even though i try to explain that things here are so much better than they were in korea, there weren't any actual humans who have been in both places with me for the past two years who can validate/corroborate that statement. no litmus test, as it were.
it feels sort of strange to admit that i'm not a chipper person. even stranger to realize that i'm okay with that. since i'm working out some "issues" here, i'll elaborate. what's puzzling me now is trying to recall if i've ever actually been deserving of any happy-go-lucky type qualifiers. or have i always been this sort of overly emotional chick who spends a good portion of her time (or at least more time than most normal humans) teetering on the verge of tears? i guess it doesn't really matter either way. it is worth noting that my tears are not always the result of depression or any other sort of hostile personality clouder. hmmm.
enough about that though...the other day there was a camel on the sidewalk. as if the fact that i have to enter a police precinct to actually get to my apartment building--the very epitome of communist chinese housing--isn't enough. of course i say my apartment's the epitome of something of which i had no prior notion. that's how i roll. but my "complex" is big (don't read into that, even though i wrapped it in quotes...) and concrete and has lots of palm trees. yup, the very image of communism. so yeah, across from the police entrance is a kindergarten, which is why i can only assume that's why there was a real, live camel hanging out on the sidewalk. kids and camels. just like metal and...magnets. i didn't take a picture with/of it, because somehow it only struck me as something odd enough to notice, but not odd enough to involve myself with beyond that.
besides the camel, there's really not much to report. oh yeah, i've been reading a lot. i say a lot, simply because it's the only thing i've really done consistently outside of work, besides drink. usually this "reading" involves going to starbucks (yeah, i know...evil). i figure that if i'm ever going to meet hot foreign dudes to "talk to" that aren't affiliated with my school, this most archetypal of western coffee chains is a good place to start. so far my quests have proven less than fruitful, as far as dude-scoping goes. if actual reading had ever been the point, then yes, i've "totally scored" on that front. fuck, heavy on the quotes today. finished a few books. the last of which was beneath the wheel. herman hesse. i think that i can safely say i have his whole story arc figured out: "i think i'll kill the main character, now that the reader has gotten good and attached to him." anyhoo, having read a few of his books now (most of which i [surprisingly] remember. sorry, siddhartha...), i'd have to say that the glass bead game is the bee's knees. i'm not exactly sure why i've dedicated a whole paragraph to a shoddy book report, but hey, why not.
fuck, i turned 30. in china. that seems noteworthy on two counts. hey, i ain't dead! hey, i live in china! make it three: hey, jules is here! she cooked chili at her crib. lots of folks came over, circle of death ensued. although we ditched the game early to depart for ktv. i say ktv like it should mean something to anyone outside of china. ktv's akin to karaoke, except you can sing in your own private room. it's sort of what we do around these parts. so yup. ktv and chili. east meets west. i guess east met west, since that was last week.
i have nothing else to say at this juncture. i must sleep and mentally prepare myself for early morning munchkins. there's a little dude in my first class (joey) who confuses /t/ and /k/. so instead of saying "it's a snake" he says "it's a snate." he's still convinced that pronouncing loudly means pronouncing more correcter. and with that heart-warming anecdote, i'm spent.
oh shit, about that dream i mentioned in the last post...there's really not much more worth mentioning. manute bol sums it up.
No comments:
Post a Comment