i'm in ilsan now (seoul suburb. connected by subway).
my apartment rules. my new job appears to rule (only day two and i'm still training).
more details later.
word.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
last day in the suncheon
i'm at the miracle library. sitting at a desk just like i have for the past 9 months. typing a blog like i have for the past 9 months. and in a few hours, i'll leave this library, and probably never come back to it for the rest of my life (except in some really hotttt dreams).
leave tomorrow morning for ilsan. not suwon. i don't know anything about ilsan. i know it has a subway line.
since i am at the library, and english storytelling to complacent munchkins was part of the job requirement, i think now seems as good a time as any to reflect on some of my favorite children's books.
there were two authors that the kids went apeshit for, making my life much easier: eric carle and anthony browne. my connection to eric carle was pretty immediate, but anthony browne had to prove himself to me over the duration of 9 months.
the very hungry caterpillar by eric carle. it's the tale of a caterpillar who, as the title would suggest, is very hungry. charts his life from birth until butterfly-dom. many hyjinks ensue along the way, including a run-in with too many sweets and the resultant tummy ache. the library has a huge cardboard version of this book, with holes cut out in each of the foods that a little plush caterpillar can squeeze his way through. it's the favorite, hands down.
from head to toe by eric carle. teaches body parts and animals pretty well. plus, it's really fucking cute to have an entire classroom of little people screaming and pantomiming "i am a penguin and i turn my head. i can do it! i am a buffalo and i raise my shoulders. i can do it!" downside: if your students are mute, sleeping, or in the middle of being breast fed (seriously, last week it was dueling breast feeders. 2 at once. mildly distracting), it's hard to elicit any sort of reaction from them.
other notable eric carle books: the very quiet cricket, papa please get the moon for me, a house for hermit crab. the pictures are always cool, and lots of time they're very hands on, multiple sensory experience books.
moving on to anthony browne. the best parts of his books are the illustrations. i'm thinking of the book changes in particular. lots of weird hidden stuff that you have to look for. plus he's always got gorillas in his book (gorilla, willy the wizard, willy the wimp, willy the champ) and hides bananas everywhere. i'm sure that if any of his books were in large, heavy duty cardboard format with a miniature plush gorilla, i would like them as much as the caterpillar one. but there aren't, so i don't.
farmer duck. poor duck has to do all the work for the fat, lazy farmer. the other animals mutiny, kick the farmer out of his house and share the workload together. "how goes the work?" "quack." my sentiments exactly. fight the power!
happy birthday moon. bear wants to talk to the moon, but it's too far away. so he climbs up into the mountains to be closer to him. has an enlightening conversation with his own echo and thinks he and the moon have the same birthday. so he buys the moon a hat as a gift.
where's my teddy? there's a little dude named eddy. eddy's teddy's name is freddy. freddy's also little, as he is eddy-sized. eddy loses freddy so he goes to search for him in the woods. he stumbles upon a gigantic teddy bear, obviously not freddy, but whose is it? then a giant bear appears holding a tiny teddy bear. clearly there was some sort of mix up--eddy got the bear's gigantic teddy; the bear got the tiny freddy. bear freaks out at kid, kid freaks out at bear. they run away. all is right with the world.
bear hunt. shit, i forgot this one was anthony browne too. anyhoo, there's a bear out walking in the woods. there also happen to be two hunters following him. bear gets himself into several sticky situations, but with the aid of the pencil he happened to be carrying with him he makes it out alive. it's like macgyver, but with a bear.
mouse count. 1 hungry snake on the prowl (with a jar in which to place his dinner) + 10 napping mice = 1 action-packed children's book. okay, not really. but it's pretty damn cute. you get the kids to count and they're really concerned about the welfare of these poor (albeit stupid) mice. the snake gets all the mice into his jar, but ultimately his greed gets the better of him and the mice are able to escape. whew!
pete's a pizza. i do remember that this one is by william stieg--same dude associated with shrek. pete's bummed out because it's raining and he was sposed to play baseball with his chingus. his dad thinks it will make him feel better if he is made into a pizza. always worked for me. (a pretend pizza. i generally try to avoid jesus and cannibalism during storytelling hours).
don't do that. story about a little girl with a beautiful nose who gets her finger stuck in it. my favorite book to read, because there were always about 5 kids with fingers stuck up their noses, watching me read.
other notables: the bear's lunch, the pear in the pear tree, room on the broom, dr. dog.
i drank way too much last night. it just seems worth mentioning. tonight will probably be same same.
leave tomorrow morning for ilsan. not suwon. i don't know anything about ilsan. i know it has a subway line.
since i am at the library, and english storytelling to complacent munchkins was part of the job requirement, i think now seems as good a time as any to reflect on some of my favorite children's books.
there were two authors that the kids went apeshit for, making my life much easier: eric carle and anthony browne. my connection to eric carle was pretty immediate, but anthony browne had to prove himself to me over the duration of 9 months.
the very hungry caterpillar by eric carle. it's the tale of a caterpillar who, as the title would suggest, is very hungry. charts his life from birth until butterfly-dom. many hyjinks ensue along the way, including a run-in with too many sweets and the resultant tummy ache. the library has a huge cardboard version of this book, with holes cut out in each of the foods that a little plush caterpillar can squeeze his way through. it's the favorite, hands down.
from head to toe by eric carle. teaches body parts and animals pretty well. plus, it's really fucking cute to have an entire classroom of little people screaming and pantomiming "i am a penguin and i turn my head. i can do it! i am a buffalo and i raise my shoulders. i can do it!" downside: if your students are mute, sleeping, or in the middle of being breast fed (seriously, last week it was dueling breast feeders. 2 at once. mildly distracting), it's hard to elicit any sort of reaction from them.
other notable eric carle books: the very quiet cricket, papa please get the moon for me, a house for hermit crab. the pictures are always cool, and lots of time they're very hands on, multiple sensory experience books.
moving on to anthony browne. the best parts of his books are the illustrations. i'm thinking of the book changes in particular. lots of weird hidden stuff that you have to look for. plus he's always got gorillas in his book (gorilla, willy the wizard, willy the wimp, willy the champ) and hides bananas everywhere. i'm sure that if any of his books were in large, heavy duty cardboard format with a miniature plush gorilla, i would like them as much as the caterpillar one. but there aren't, so i don't.
farmer duck. poor duck has to do all the work for the fat, lazy farmer. the other animals mutiny, kick the farmer out of his house and share the workload together. "how goes the work?" "quack." my sentiments exactly. fight the power!
happy birthday moon. bear wants to talk to the moon, but it's too far away. so he climbs up into the mountains to be closer to him. has an enlightening conversation with his own echo and thinks he and the moon have the same birthday. so he buys the moon a hat as a gift.
where's my teddy? there's a little dude named eddy. eddy's teddy's name is freddy. freddy's also little, as he is eddy-sized. eddy loses freddy so he goes to search for him in the woods. he stumbles upon a gigantic teddy bear, obviously not freddy, but whose is it? then a giant bear appears holding a tiny teddy bear. clearly there was some sort of mix up--eddy got the bear's gigantic teddy; the bear got the tiny freddy. bear freaks out at kid, kid freaks out at bear. they run away. all is right with the world.
bear hunt. shit, i forgot this one was anthony browne too. anyhoo, there's a bear out walking in the woods. there also happen to be two hunters following him. bear gets himself into several sticky situations, but with the aid of the pencil he happened to be carrying with him he makes it out alive. it's like macgyver, but with a bear.
mouse count. 1 hungry snake on the prowl (with a jar in which to place his dinner) + 10 napping mice = 1 action-packed children's book. okay, not really. but it's pretty damn cute. you get the kids to count and they're really concerned about the welfare of these poor (albeit stupid) mice. the snake gets all the mice into his jar, but ultimately his greed gets the better of him and the mice are able to escape. whew!
pete's a pizza. i do remember that this one is by william stieg--same dude associated with shrek. pete's bummed out because it's raining and he was sposed to play baseball with his chingus. his dad thinks it will make him feel better if he is made into a pizza. always worked for me. (a pretend pizza. i generally try to avoid jesus and cannibalism during storytelling hours).
don't do that. story about a little girl with a beautiful nose who gets her finger stuck in it. my favorite book to read, because there were always about 5 kids with fingers stuck up their noses, watching me read.
other notables: the bear's lunch, the pear in the pear tree, room on the broom, dr. dog.
i drank way too much last night. it just seems worth mentioning. tonight will probably be same same.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
baekwons
i took all my baekwon coins to the bank and got 85,000 won. hells yeah!
(it's like if you had $85 worth of dimes).
(it's like if you had $85 worth of dimes).
Monday, June 18, 2007
thank god.
The plays are finished. 3 months of blood, sweat and yes, even tears reduced to approximately 40 minutes of boiling heat on a tiny stage, 
my students’ nervous english recitation lost in the din of their own parents’ chatter. Seriously, I was 10 feet away in front of the monitor and I couldn’t hear a goddamn word. All I could really do was sweat. A lot. but I was quite honestly appalled by the blatant lack of respect the audience had for these, their children, who despite all protestation, had actually worked their collective ass off. Which is not to say that the beginner play didn’t fall apart before my very eyes. It’s funny that when you’re rehearsing something and people fuck it up it’s really annoying and frustrating, but when it’s the actual performance and they fuck up, it magically becomes cute and endearing. That’s how the beginner play was for me. Captain hook and smee (two students whose real names I never managed to commit to memory over the course of three months) sort of panicked in front of everyone. There was a lot of me shouting from the wings while simultaneously trying to man the large cardboard crocodile I had masterfully crafted for the occasion. Organized chaos would be too generous a term. I was proud of my students, but ultimately I just felt pretty foolish for being so invested in this thing that obviously meant so little to everyone on the periphery. But hey, they’re finished. And hopefully that’s my last foray into esl via english drama.
my students’ nervous english recitation lost in the din of their own parents’ chatter. Seriously, I was 10 feet away in front of the monitor and I couldn’t hear a goddamn word. All I could really do was sweat. A lot. but I was quite honestly appalled by the blatant lack of respect the audience had for these, their children, who despite all protestation, had actually worked their collective ass off. Which is not to say that the beginner play didn’t fall apart before my very eyes. It’s funny that when you’re rehearsing something and people fuck it up it’s really annoying and frustrating, but when it’s the actual performance and they fuck up, it magically becomes cute and endearing. That’s how the beginner play was for me. Captain hook and smee (two students whose real names I never managed to commit to memory over the course of three months) sort of panicked in front of everyone. There was a lot of me shouting from the wings while simultaneously trying to man the large cardboard crocodile I had masterfully crafted for the occasion. Organized chaos would be too generous a term. I was proud of my students, but ultimately I just felt pretty foolish for being so invested in this thing that obviously meant so little to everyone on the periphery. But hey, they’re finished. And hopefully that’s my last foray into esl via english drama. More about last week before delving into the usual weekend recap. On Thursday I had another tea date with my supervisors. While I was waiting for ms. moon to pick me up, I was approached by yet another jesus freak. And yes, in these parts, the moniker “freak” is more than warranted. Granted, religion in america can be pretty fucked up, but they don’t seem to be so damn pushy about it or overtly judgemental. This chick asked me about god and when I said I didn’t like going to church she shook her head and made a “tsk tsk” sort of noise. Fuck you, lady. Save that shit for your sewing circle. I guarantee that jesus didn’t make “tsk tsk” noises.
Anyhoo, was rescued by ms. Moon. Funny that I consider being whisked away by a middle-aged woman in a minivan who speaks absolutely no english a “rescue”, but that’s exactly what it was. And mr. Bak was only a half an hour late to dinner. And that silent 30 minutes wasn’t even particularly awkward, as we just decided to drink to fill the time. Mr. Bak showed up, we ate dakgalbi. I had a few moments of completely surreal sentimentality—reverie of many a drunken Saturday afternoon with jules and rory in chuncheon, eating dakgalbi and happily gazing upon the dancing soju bottles in myeongdong…
Ms. Moon had to leave to go pick up and deposit her child somewhere. Then me and mr. Bak were to meet her at the tea place. As soon as she left, mr. Bak said “I would like to drink some more alcohol.” So we drank 3 more bottles and I blabbed to him, my korean supervisor, about how racist koreans in suncheon can be. He didn’t disagree.
So dinner was about 1.5-2 hours. Little did I know, I had 3.5 more hours of happy fun korean triple date time left in me. And again, all the events that took place were some of the most relaxing and pleasant times I’ve had with koreans in suncheon, but the sheer length of these endeavors threatens to negate any pleasure I take in them.
The tea drinking locale was actually just a tea aficionado’s house. And indeed, he had lots of tea. But again, there was just the very calming ceremony of it all, the presenation of the tea an event to be taken very seriously. The couple had pictures of their children on the wall at various tea ceremony competitions. And I was pleased to be one of the few foreigners to ever set foot in their humble abode. The man talked about tea drinking as mediation and took lots of pictures of me. At the end of the evening (around 12:15 in the am), I was presented with a tea set, a bag of barley tea and a bamboo teaspoon. All for which I was incredibly grateful. None of which I deserved.
Then the plays the next day. Lots of roses for me, woo hoo! My waygook friends showed up. and I was more grateful for that than I even tried to express to them. I’ve been out of sorts for the past 3 months—feeling inexplicably fragile at times—so it was nice to have that very obvious show of support.
Post plays it was time to get drunk. I could try to rephrase this to thinly veil the main objective, but I won’t. I wanted to get hammered. I woke up on Friday and that was the first thought in my head: “tonight I get to get wasted/hammered/plowed/etc.” my weekend was spent either drunk, hungover or attempting to be both.
Ate some meat with fike and erica, then headed to the 711 in front of juliana’s. drinking ensued, as it typically does there (inside, but mostly outside). [near] fighting ensued, as it typically does there (inside, but also outside). There were probably about 15 people all milling about, drinking in front of the convenient mart. Some crazy korean chick was inside, alternately picking fights and trying to pick people up. she decided to try both with the resident iraqi black belt of suncheon. he was trying really hard not to react, but crazy lady ground her heel into his junk and started punching and slapping him. so he twisted her arm and she fell off the table she was sitting on, faceplanted on a chair, but then still recovered to get up and attack him some more. anyhoo, after the penis and heel incident and her making a fool of herself, she decided to pick up a chair and smash it against the window of the packed bar. and yet, the korean owner didn't immediately and violently remove her. she got to just stand there, curse for a while and look really angry and then be escorted out. All I could think was, “how much fucking alcohol do you have to drink to behave like this woman?” I get drunk. Sometimes I barf. But I never pick fights with people or attempt to throw chairs through windows. But maybe I’m the crazy one.
Drank until the wee hours of the morning. 
watched the sun rise on shidae apartments. Passed out around 5:45 am with visions of busan in my head. Woke up too early to catch the bus with fike and erica. Nothing too eventful happened in busan—we drank, we ate, we drank some more, ate some more. But it’s just nice to have a variety of cuisine, a variety of drink, a variety of people. that’s how busan’s been for me both times. indian food, thai food, whiskey, beach, live music, dude from princeton, treacherous cable car ride to the top of a mountain. Most of which I have pictures of (to be posted on flickr soon). All in all, a great weekend, despite the brain pain.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
shitballs, i forgot to mention...
the awkward dinner i will have tonight, and an awkward one i already had earlier in the week.
on tuesday i met up with a high school student who volunteers at the library. she speaks less english than i speak korean. but she's very nice and insisted that i eat at pizza hut with her. fair enough. we meet two of her friends and have a lovely, though small, meal (one small pizza for 4 people. apparently even koreans fuck up the korean language sometimes, mostly with regards to menu items, specifically pizza size). after the meal, we walk outside and one of the friends drops the bomb: "we're all jehovah's witnesses. what are you?" yikes. uncountable moments of extreme awkwardness were to follow. and all i could think was "gosh, i really don't want to offend this woman by saying i'm not all that into religion." and yet there was no reciprocal trigger telling her that maybe my religious preferences were none of her fucking business. i already think koreans are judgemental (hey, i'm judgemental too. whatever...), but then you throw some religious zeal in there. good gad indeed.
tonight is a tea date. i was actually looking forward to another one of these 3.5 hour long endeavors until my korean translator boss told me he can't meet me until 8:30 or 9. party with homegirl begins at 7. so that's a whole 1.5 to 2 hours of just one on one time. she speaks absolutely NO english. crickets.
i make those stupid friendship bracelets that were popular when i was in the 8th grade. i like to log it as a talent. anyhoo, i made a woman at the library one of these, and everyone i work with is going apeshit. they're all pissed off that i haven't made theirs yet, despite my obvious lack of time (evidenced by going in to work on a saturday). so please don't ask me for a friendship bracelet. i guess that's the point.
on tuesday i met up with a high school student who volunteers at the library. she speaks less english than i speak korean. but she's very nice and insisted that i eat at pizza hut with her. fair enough. we meet two of her friends and have a lovely, though small, meal (one small pizza for 4 people. apparently even koreans fuck up the korean language sometimes, mostly with regards to menu items, specifically pizza size). after the meal, we walk outside and one of the friends drops the bomb: "we're all jehovah's witnesses. what are you?" yikes. uncountable moments of extreme awkwardness were to follow. and all i could think was "gosh, i really don't want to offend this woman by saying i'm not all that into religion." and yet there was no reciprocal trigger telling her that maybe my religious preferences were none of her fucking business. i already think koreans are judgemental (hey, i'm judgemental too. whatever...), but then you throw some religious zeal in there. good gad indeed.
tonight is a tea date. i was actually looking forward to another one of these 3.5 hour long endeavors until my korean translator boss told me he can't meet me until 8:30 or 9. party with homegirl begins at 7. so that's a whole 1.5 to 2 hours of just one on one time. she speaks absolutely NO english. crickets.
i make those stupid friendship bracelets that were popular when i was in the 8th grade. i like to log it as a talent. anyhoo, i made a woman at the library one of these, and everyone i work with is going apeshit. they're all pissed off that i haven't made theirs yet, despite my obvious lack of time (evidenced by going in to work on a saturday). so please don't ask me for a friendship bracelet. i guess that's the point.
sportsball. plays.
things and also stuff have been going on and also happening.
one of said stufflike items was a baseball game over the weekend. i told myself it was going to be the best day of my life--watching the kia tigers play the some other team in gwangju. all i know is that they WEREN'T playing the unicorns. yes, there is a korean baseball team called the unicorns. a rather silly mascot. unless, it also happens to be a pegasus. a tiger versus a unicorn is no contest. throw some wings into the equation and it's a little more interesting.
anyhoo, hopped on the bus to gwangju on sunday to see sportsball. gotta be honest, i was a little hungover, as the night before had become an impromptu party at the mini stop. 3.5 hours later after arriving in gwangju, in my afternoon drunken stupor, i thought to myself "oh, hey, i was just at a baseball game, wasn't i?" it didn't really even occur to me while i was at the baseball game that i was at the baseball game. although i did purchase a rather large hat and sat in the sun sweating my balls off. that thought was with me the whole time. along with "i want to take a nap." in general though, baseball is a non event to me. unless someone hits a homerun or there are drunk angry people or a fight breaks out. there was a plus though, beer at the baseball stadium in korea is much cheaper than beer at a baseball game stateside. so that was reason enough. add it to the list of things done/seen in korea: baseball.
after baseball, went for a dose of western food in the form of tgi fridays. i don't think i've ever actually eaten at one of those places in america. regardless, i've been daydreaming about the macaroni bites (fried macaroni=fucking genius!). so i had some of those and they did not disappoint. i also ordered a cheeseburger. what i got was a large roundish lump of tepid, unseasoned beef attempting to pass for a burger. looks like a burger, smells like a burger, but does not taste like a burger, so a burger it ain't. geee-rossssss. at least it's hard to fuck up french fries.
tomorrow is play day. peter pan and cinderella/snow white and the 1 dwarf. the past 3 months of my life have been consumed by this thing. i didn't take my vacation in may because of this thing. for 3 months i've been absolutely exhausted for a variety of reasons: anxiety over inadequate helpers, students dropping out, students being rude and/or annoying, hands going numb from coloring and cutting various props. so tomorrow, these months come to a poorly funded, melodramatic (but cute) head. and all i can think is "i can't wait to get fucking hammered tomorrow night." i am a good sonsaengnim.
the end.
one of said stufflike items was a baseball game over the weekend. i told myself it was going to be the best day of my life--watching the kia tigers play the some other team in gwangju. all i know is that they WEREN'T playing the unicorns. yes, there is a korean baseball team called the unicorns. a rather silly mascot. unless, it also happens to be a pegasus. a tiger versus a unicorn is no contest. throw some wings into the equation and it's a little more interesting.
anyhoo, hopped on the bus to gwangju on sunday to see sportsball. gotta be honest, i was a little hungover, as the night before had become an impromptu party at the mini stop. 3.5 hours later after arriving in gwangju, in my afternoon drunken stupor, i thought to myself "oh, hey, i was just at a baseball game, wasn't i?" it didn't really even occur to me while i was at the baseball game that i was at the baseball game. although i did purchase a rather large hat and sat in the sun sweating my balls off. that thought was with me the whole time. along with "i want to take a nap." in general though, baseball is a non event to me. unless someone hits a homerun or there are drunk angry people or a fight breaks out. there was a plus though, beer at the baseball stadium in korea is much cheaper than beer at a baseball game stateside. so that was reason enough. add it to the list of things done/seen in korea: baseball.
after baseball, went for a dose of western food in the form of tgi fridays. i don't think i've ever actually eaten at one of those places in america. regardless, i've been daydreaming about the macaroni bites (fried macaroni=fucking genius!). so i had some of those and they did not disappoint. i also ordered a cheeseburger. what i got was a large roundish lump of tepid, unseasoned beef attempting to pass for a burger. looks like a burger, smells like a burger, but does not taste like a burger, so a burger it ain't. geee-rossssss. at least it's hard to fuck up french fries.
tomorrow is play day. peter pan and cinderella/snow white and the 1 dwarf. the past 3 months of my life have been consumed by this thing. i didn't take my vacation in may because of this thing. for 3 months i've been absolutely exhausted for a variety of reasons: anxiety over inadequate helpers, students dropping out, students being rude and/or annoying, hands going numb from coloring and cutting various props. so tomorrow, these months come to a poorly funded, melodramatic (but cute) head. and all i can think is "i can't wait to get fucking hammered tomorrow night." i am a good sonsaengnim.
the end.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
hell week. now who's being dramatic...
on friday are my engrish plays--beginners' class=peter pan and advanced class=snow white plus random characters because students kept dropping out (we've trimmed the fat to one dwarf. but all his lines were memorized when there were two or three of them. so there are some issues with pronouns and plurals, but i stopped caring...)
if the dress rehearsal yesterday was any indication, i think i will probably have a stroke on friday. but at least i have freshly pedicured toes to go with that stroke. my advanced class is pissed because i didn't spend all of my weekend making them a huge crocodile and pirate ship like i did for the beginner class. and i'm pissed at all of them for not saying "thank you" for any of these props that took away hours of my life i'll never get back. perhaps i'm too hard on them. but it sure seems like no one else is.
anyhoo, this week are the plays. next week packing and moving to somewhere in or outside seoul. should i be concerned that i still know absolutely no details? eh. they'll fall into place soon enough. i'm looking forward to regular old teaching again. no gimmicks, no arts and crafts (fingers crossed).
in the meantime, everyone's trying to cash in on the limited jamie time. two free meals this week, with more to come next week (assah!) as random people that i've never bothered to communicate with in the past 9 months vie for precious hours of the limited time i have left in suncheon.
if the dress rehearsal yesterday was any indication, i think i will probably have a stroke on friday. but at least i have freshly pedicured toes to go with that stroke. my advanced class is pissed because i didn't spend all of my weekend making them a huge crocodile and pirate ship like i did for the beginner class. and i'm pissed at all of them for not saying "thank you" for any of these props that took away hours of my life i'll never get back. perhaps i'm too hard on them. but it sure seems like no one else is.
anyhoo, this week are the plays. next week packing and moving to somewhere in or outside seoul. should i be concerned that i still know absolutely no details? eh. they'll fall into place soon enough. i'm looking forward to regular old teaching again. no gimmicks, no arts and crafts (fingers crossed).
in the meantime, everyone's trying to cash in on the limited jamie time. two free meals this week, with more to come next week (assah!) as random people that i've never bothered to communicate with in the past 9 months vie for precious hours of the limited time i have left in suncheon.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
eh
i feel like i should post something. seems like it's been awhile. a whole week!
i woke up to the soothing sounds of a loudspeaker blaring from the passing onion truck. apparently it's onion season now--the red hues of strawberries gradually giving way to the muddied whites of onions and garlic.
i'm in a rut. there. i said it. there's this feeling that's been gnawing at me lately. it started out innocently enough, culminating in the current sort of indescribable heaviness which i've only fully admitted to as of late. the feeling of barely hanging on. to i don't know what. and it's not necessarily a depressing feeling, it's more a futile desperation. but this is familiar and therefore oddly comforting i suppose. the end result is again me just waiting for something to happen instead of being proactive. so now i've been proactive. the funny thing is, i felt this way a lot in columbia too. and now it's followed me to the korea. i think perhaps i'm not comfortable being happy. seems like it's something i shouldn't allow myself. i don't really know where that comes from. perhaps it's something a lot of 28 year old people feel. hmm....
i would really really love to eat a cuban pulled pork sandwich from uprise bakery right now. or the big tomato with bacon. a real sandwich. i bet seoul will have those.
i'm feeling sort of homesick these days. of course it's natural, but it makes me feel defeated, particularly in the context of what i'm increasingly willing to admit is/was a shitty fucking job and a shitty fucking life i made for myself here in the suncheon. seems like i was in denial of these things until the day i turned in that flimsy piece of paper citing some superficial reason for leaving (despite the obvious presence of bonafide complaints).
i had an interesting tea date with two of my supervisors last week. i could expound upon the actual tea consumption, as it was actually a positive experience (which i somehow manage to regularly avoid talking about), but what stuck with me was a question my boss asked about us kooky foreigners. he said some teachers complain about not feeling like they're a part of the community or included in regular korean things. and it made me wonder if this was an actual complaint, or if he was attempting to infer based on mere observation of the very obvious distancing from the korean community that some of us take pains to do. i didn't really know what to say to him. seems like a lot of the distancing (at least in my personal experience), is totally voluntary and on purpose. how do i explain to this man--who is both my boss, and a korean--that not everyone wants to integrate into what (to my foreign eyes) feels like an overtly misogynistic, materialistic, judgemental and racist society (not to mention one seemingly devoid of any counterculture that might compromise the confucian values of duty and collectivism)? it might be different if there was anything here in suncheon to detract from these things--cultural elements that temporarily shift the focus off these perceived societal ills, but my small city's not offering a lot of things to contradict my stereotypes right now. two of the main cultural components on which koreans fall back (food and alcohol) only serve to reinforce a seeming ethnocentrism, thus sabotoging their intent--a sense of community and togetherness--and further isolating people. anyhoo, i've got high hopes for seoul. i hate the way i feel about korea and a lot of koreans right now. i really hope going to a larger city will restore my faith in what i know deep down to be a culturally rich society full of generous, kind, well-meaning people.
today is a holiday. korean memorial day, or something to that effect. i have no immediate plans, or any plans to come up with a plan. i like days like that, as long as i don't put undue pressure on myself to be productive.
the move to seoul goes down in two weeks. i should be more specific and say i'm moving the the 'burbs." i'm very excited about what should be a major change.
yesterday i told some of the mothers at my maegokdong office that i was moving to seoul. their response (in korean) was "jamie's moving to seoul because she doesn't have any friends in suncheon." comments like that aren't unexpected anymore, i'm just glad they haven't started telling me i'm fat yet. but it really hurt my feelings. i only see these women 2 hours a week when they hang out at the library, and yet they think they've got me all figured out. i'm some 28 year-old friendless, boyfriendless withering spinster. and again, it makes me accutely aware of living out of context. there was a time when i argued i was creating a new context of my life. a new phase away from columbia, my friends, my family, vulnerably putting myself out there to gain return greater than i could ever imagine. you know, soul-searching. but it's not as great as i thought it would be. ultimately my soul-searching has resulted in not feeling like myself for 9 months.
there are two things that could immediately restore my spirits: a flat branch pub burger with bacon and a boulevard weet. i suppose there are two more: jules and rory. i'm thrilled that i still get to go on my vacation in july. that should help me snap out of the funk.
i woke up to the soothing sounds of a loudspeaker blaring from the passing onion truck. apparently it's onion season now--the red hues of strawberries gradually giving way to the muddied whites of onions and garlic.
i'm in a rut. there. i said it. there's this feeling that's been gnawing at me lately. it started out innocently enough, culminating in the current sort of indescribable heaviness which i've only fully admitted to as of late. the feeling of barely hanging on. to i don't know what. and it's not necessarily a depressing feeling, it's more a futile desperation. but this is familiar and therefore oddly comforting i suppose. the end result is again me just waiting for something to happen instead of being proactive. so now i've been proactive. the funny thing is, i felt this way a lot in columbia too. and now it's followed me to the korea. i think perhaps i'm not comfortable being happy. seems like it's something i shouldn't allow myself. i don't really know where that comes from. perhaps it's something a lot of 28 year old people feel. hmm....
i would really really love to eat a cuban pulled pork sandwich from uprise bakery right now. or the big tomato with bacon. a real sandwich. i bet seoul will have those.
i'm feeling sort of homesick these days. of course it's natural, but it makes me feel defeated, particularly in the context of what i'm increasingly willing to admit is/was a shitty fucking job and a shitty fucking life i made for myself here in the suncheon. seems like i was in denial of these things until the day i turned in that flimsy piece of paper citing some superficial reason for leaving (despite the obvious presence of bonafide complaints).
i had an interesting tea date with two of my supervisors last week. i could expound upon the actual tea consumption, as it was actually a positive experience (which i somehow manage to regularly avoid talking about), but what stuck with me was a question my boss asked about us kooky foreigners. he said some teachers complain about not feeling like they're a part of the community or included in regular korean things. and it made me wonder if this was an actual complaint, or if he was attempting to infer based on mere observation of the very obvious distancing from the korean community that some of us take pains to do. i didn't really know what to say to him. seems like a lot of the distancing (at least in my personal experience), is totally voluntary and on purpose. how do i explain to this man--who is both my boss, and a korean--that not everyone wants to integrate into what (to my foreign eyes) feels like an overtly misogynistic, materialistic, judgemental and racist society (not to mention one seemingly devoid of any counterculture that might compromise the confucian values of duty and collectivism)? it might be different if there was anything here in suncheon to detract from these things--cultural elements that temporarily shift the focus off these perceived societal ills, but my small city's not offering a lot of things to contradict my stereotypes right now. two of the main cultural components on which koreans fall back (food and alcohol) only serve to reinforce a seeming ethnocentrism, thus sabotoging their intent--a sense of community and togetherness--and further isolating people. anyhoo, i've got high hopes for seoul. i hate the way i feel about korea and a lot of koreans right now. i really hope going to a larger city will restore my faith in what i know deep down to be a culturally rich society full of generous, kind, well-meaning people.
today is a holiday. korean memorial day, or something to that effect. i have no immediate plans, or any plans to come up with a plan. i like days like that, as long as i don't put undue pressure on myself to be productive.
the move to seoul goes down in two weeks. i should be more specific and say i'm moving the the 'burbs." i'm very excited about what should be a major change.
yesterday i told some of the mothers at my maegokdong office that i was moving to seoul. their response (in korean) was "jamie's moving to seoul because she doesn't have any friends in suncheon." comments like that aren't unexpected anymore, i'm just glad they haven't started telling me i'm fat yet. but it really hurt my feelings. i only see these women 2 hours a week when they hang out at the library, and yet they think they've got me all figured out. i'm some 28 year-old friendless, boyfriendless withering spinster. and again, it makes me accutely aware of living out of context. there was a time when i argued i was creating a new context of my life. a new phase away from columbia, my friends, my family, vulnerably putting myself out there to gain return greater than i could ever imagine. you know, soul-searching. but it's not as great as i thought it would be. ultimately my soul-searching has resulted in not feeling like myself for 9 months.
there are two things that could immediately restore my spirits: a flat branch pub burger with bacon and a boulevard weet. i suppose there are two more: jules and rory. i'm thrilled that i still get to go on my vacation in july. that should help me snap out of the funk.
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