well, i guess it's been a while. but not without good reason. i've had the misfortune of being ass-deep in a bunch of logistical bullshit lately. and for those of you who've never been in that position, it's not a fun one.
for starters, i'm getting the fuck out of korea (yes, let's all let out a giant, rallying cry together!). that happens on the 28th of this month. which means that my current job did not, in fact, make me an offer i couldn't refuse. if i thought nearing the end of my first solid year at one job in korea would make me feel validated, happy, satisfied and/or more like a teacher--or i guess any other amalgam of generally positive things--i was sorely mistaken. the fact is, i can't wait to leave. with increasing frequency i find my days colored by the overwhelming urge to punch strangers, acquaintances and pretty much everyone i come into contact with in their fucking face[s]. and yup, that's probably not healthy. but let's examine these feelings, shall we?
wait wait wait. don't want to "blow my wad" all at once (yes, i typed that. as much as i love sexual euphemisms, some of them are just better (or worse) than others. case in point: i find the term "blow my wad" completely derivative and banal. so what does that make me? hmmm...). so first things first, it seems appropriate to expound on the aforementioned logistical woes.
there's a little event going on this summer known as the beijing olympics. in other words, "the event that has seriously tried to fuck up my world." i'm starting this CELTA course on july 21st in ho chi minh city. my job here in the korea finishes on june 25th. so that adds up to an ample amount of time to do something besides work for 6 fucking days a week at a place where i'm underappreciated and that sucks a little more of my ever-waning soul each day (apparently the jobby job replaced the soul chunks with chunks of melodrama. woo hoo.).
my favorite people in the world just happen to live in china. seems pretty convenient. after all, the last time i flew to china to visit jules and roar, it consumed far less time than my usual subway commute. so the first step in all of this was to add more pages to my passport, in preparation for my new visas. went to the embassy in seoul, got the pages in a day. easy enough. and free. and uber-patriotic (seriously, the new pages all have america-loving tripe printed all over them. AMERICA: FUCK YEAH!).
after that, i thought it would be as easy as going to the travel agent with my passport and a lil' wallet picture to get my chinese visa. just like the other two times. then i found out that i had to have proof not only of my flight into china, but proof of my departure from china as well. because of the olympics. fucking sports.
flight to china from korea was no problem. but the flight into ho chi minh city from shanghai was a total bitch to find. i attempted to book 4 different flights--one of which required some execution of my more than rusty spanish skills (yeah, i know. spanish for a flight to vietnam? it's all part of the nightmare that has been my last few weeks...)--and each of them were confirmed then cancelled. yikes. so i have been doubly panicking--1) oh god, i'm not going to be able to get to china to see jules and roar; 2) oh god, i'm not going to be able to get to this program in vietnam that i already paid for. there was also the 2 day train ride from beijing to ho chi minh city, but again, olympics fucked that all up. 2 days ago expedia.com rocked my world. i've got bonafide PAPER tickets en route to my apartment as i type this. old school shit there. sweet tits! hallelujah! thank you, jesus!
so yes, on the 28th, i will be going to china (visa in progress now. cross your fingers) until the 18th of july. then i fly to ho chi minh city. start my course on the 21st. after 4 weeks i have a lot of free time before i head back to china to work with jules' school. so now i need to start planning some more in-depth vietnam travel, along with the very real possibilities of laos and cambodia. sort of strange to wrap my brain around the fact that i am going to do all of this. and yeah, all by my lonesome. that's cool enough to warrant a smiley emoticon.
:)
oh yeah, but i still have to mail all of my possessions to china. let's just say one tends to accumulate many things over the course of 2 years...but even the relatively small amount of purging i've done has felt really good. molting off the badness of my past year. so i guess this segues nicely into the less than forgiving stance i've taken on korea.
list form seems like an appropriate way to burn one's bridges (assuming any koreans and/or fucking annoying foreigners in korea read this). truth be told, i've been trying to give korea the benefit of the doubt for the past two years i've been here. and yes, there are some people who defy my own educated stereotypes, but these are the [arguably unhealthy] observations i've made:
1. ethnocentrism. living amongst a culture that is so immersed in itself for this past year has taken a very tangible toll on me. sure, there are people in america who are staunch patriots and skinhead racist types, but here it's sort of overwhelming (uh, they're not skinheads. but they are racists. i'm done acknowledging what i've come to accept as a very dismal fact in my usual friendly-type way). koreans are so proud to be korean that they shun all other cultures or just make fun of everything about different cultures that makes them so, well, different. it's the most disturbing in the context of my job. any time there's a picture of someone who's not korean, there's immediately a barrage of stereotypes that would never be accepted or ignored in an american classroom. then there's all the shit i pick up on that's not in english (either through my admittedly limited knowledge of the korean language, or through body language). the worst part of all of this is that the korean teachers, some of whom might have actually earned both respect and friendship from me, don't do anything to curb such behavior. one teacher said "they're young. they don't understand." i guess i don't think 4th and 5th graders are that young. they're not too young to be fluent in english, so why are they too young to attempt to appreciate the myriad cultures that employ that language? the point is, with all the fucking foreigners in korea, it doesn't seem at all justified or acceptable to point at another human and say "other." i also don't agree with the implication that it's okay to hate other cultures, or just grossly misunderstand them, up to a certain age.
this ethnocentrism also begs the question of "why the fuck are you learning english if you don't actually have any desire to leave your perceived korean utopia?" and yes, i know english in korea is all inextricably linked to government regulations, standardized tests and overbearing mothers, but i don't think the average korean kid has any concept of the large (and varied) world beyond his/her own meager borders. i guess that's where i really feel like i've failed as a teacher. ever the idealist, i thought that being my charming [albeit different] self could convince students that language enables travel and adventure and an actual "world" view and all the things that motivate me (or used to before i hit this most recent wall) on a daily basis. uh, yeah. failure. bummer, yo.
2. cultural identity. this ties in closely with the ethnocentrism. for a country that co-opts everything that is japanese, chinese and/or vaguely western, they sure still hate all these places. funny to hear little kids talk about how much they hate japan. or how terrible china is. never mind the fact that the haircuts, fashion and food are japanese; the language is dumbed-down from mandarin/chinese (the chinese didn't seem to have a problem with their language, and i doubt they're all geniuses...), with some butchered english "cognates" thrown in for good measure. i guess this is more about how families instill values in kids. for a long time i didn't listen to led zeppelin because i seem to recall one of my parents saying they were overrated.
3. vanity. you can't fully understand this until you've been in the elevator with a korean. or sat next to a korean on the subway. i'm not just talking girls here. the perpetual adjusting, applying, preening, straightening, pouting, photographing of an entire country. it's exhausting to witness. not even worth further explanation. again, not totally understandable unless one has been to korea.
4. work ethic. seems to be some confusion over the concept of efficiency. here, it's not so much about getting the job done as it is about putting in the time. i think the average korean is a glutton for punishment, simply because "that's the korean way." i've heard this so many times in reference to the long hours people put in at work. but how much of that time is spent simply for the sake of appearances? this should more accurately be labeled confucianism or collectivist culture, but i wouldn't want to imply that everything about a collectivist culture is bad. i don't think it is completely, but it does serve to foster this worker bee attitude (if one allows oneself to enjoy their life, that person is obviously not working hard enough for the greater good. the greater good being hard to define, but from what i've gathered, i guess it's just the image of hard-work, even if that hard-work is actually just a lot of sitting around. definitely quantity over quality round here).
it also perpetuates stereotypes--if one person thinks something's bad (be it another culture or cutting out of work once the actual job is finished), then it must be. a person could find out for him/herself, but that's not how koreans roll. this collectivism pervades every aspect of daily life--from the communal lunch to the girl passed out in a bathroom stall surrounded by her own vomit. you take your meals/drinks together, and you can only leave when everyone else does.
5. foreigners, ex-pats, whatever the fuck we want to call ourselves in korea are inherently fucking douche-bags. except for me. that warrants another smiley :) uh, yeah. the vast majority of foreigners i've met here are weird, alcoholic, misogynistic, overbearing and/or cliquey losers. and if you're not at least one of these things when you get here, you sure will be by the time you leave. i'll gladly wallow in my solitude, because the alternative is soooo much worse. my point is, i'm pretty great. yeah, i know.
6. extreeeeeeeeme homogeneity. sort of the link of all these societal ills (aside from number 5...). everyone looks the same. i guess the concept of homogeneity is not one that really warrants too much explanation. all cities look the same. all the people dress the same (be they college girls or old women, they've all got their unofficial uniforms). the standards of beauty are all the same. the bars are all the same. the food all tastes the same. everything here is "same same."
i suppose 6 seems like a solid number of complaints, and this is long enough. i guess i need to make my overriding points here...i think no one has the right to complain about anything unless they've been intimately acquainted with it. so i guess in some ways i feel like i've earned the right to makes these critiques.
perhaps it's hypocritical of me to talk about xenophobic little kids in the context of my own arguably stereotypical diatribe and whatnot. but i don't think so. i came here with the best of intentions, with the same genuine starry-eyed wanderlust that i can only hope beautifully "afflicts" everyone on the planet at some point. and yes, there have been some amazing experiences in korea, but the frequency with which they happen has been in decline from the onset. the wanderlust was instead replaced by this feeling that my own life in korea was something i had to "endure" to become a better, stronger, more charismatic person. i'm done giving this country the benefit of the doubt and feeling guilty about the less than stellar review i've given it.
i'm excited about vietnam. i'm excited about china. i'm excited about the opportunity to live elsewhere and about the chance to do so in a simpler way. i've made a lot of money in korea (or at least more than i could have made stateside). but instead of any sort of relief i assumed this would give me, i've become consumed by finances and materialism. i hate that part of me. there are days when the idea of what is considered physically beautiful repulses me, when the idea of wealth repulses me, so much so that i want nothing more than to look disgusting or to burn a large wad (there's that word again!) of money, simply because it would be something different.
i'm ready to be done with very obvious manifestations of wealth. always been a bigger fan of subtlety (in pretty much all aspects of life). and poverty. i mean, if you want to talk about building character, i'm sure there's nothing better than being dirt poor...just ask someone who's dirt poor.
i guess it's my blog. i don't need to attempt to further justify my own opinions. let's just say it's been a rough year. and the goal when i came here was not to be more bitter. i am stronger (that's a nice, vague word when you think about it), but not without a cost. i guess it will take time to figure out whether it was worth it.
oh yeah! i was in a car accident on saturday night with my co-teacher. her car is slightly fucked, but no one was hurt.
