i am unlucky. and also lacking in common sense. there are many situations in recent memory to corroborate such statements.
before i start that, i should mention that i never did go see basement jaxx. bummer. but i guess it was nice to not throw down 40 bucks just to get in.
okay, back to me being an idiot...
the most obvious illustration of my shortcomings comes in gloved form. for my birthday i received a beautiful, girly pair of women's gloves from my co-workers. lined with fur and everything. i like the word "fur." keep in mind, my birthday was less than a month ago. my co-workers made sure to inform me of said gloves' priciness, which i thought of every time i squeezed my large man paws into them. unfortunately, the night i decided to stay out at the club until the wee hours of the morning, my gloves didn't make it home with me. i was very sad, mostly because i knew that my co-workers would notice if i didn't have them. so i bought another pair exactly like them. after dropping $50 on a pair of gloves i would never have otherwise thought to purchase for myself, i realized the next day that these gloves were black, when the birthday ones i lost were brown. fuck. i spent about 5 minutes, turning these black gloves in the light, trying to convince myself that they were actually brown. before i even had a chance to take them back and exchange them, i mysteriously lost one. so now, i've lost the second pair, or rather, half of the second pair. i'm forced to acknowledge my own stupidity every time i look at that lone glove sitting on my kitchen table. i'm still optimistic and am officially labeling the other glove "misplaced" for now. we shall see....
more evidence of me being real dumb: a few weeks ago i was at the coex mall. i went to an atm. when the time came for me to buy movie tickets, i realized i had no money. i'd removed my card and the receipt, but left the money in the machine. idiot. magically, the money was sucked back up, so it didn't really hurt me at all financially. however, there was another human present, who got to witness the whole panicked, hungover scenario (yes, the same coex mall that i barfed in. same day, actually. class act.). not my proudest moment.
also, i trip a lot over things both real and imagined.
on an unrelated note, i forgot to mention a memorable taxi ride, one of many i've had here in the korea. i was in a cab with two other foreigners and the driver was pretty excited about clayton's korean speaking skills. they got to talking and the driver wanted to know what "oh shit" handles were called in english (i don't remember the korean phrase). so the driver started exaggerating his turns so we'd grab the handles yelling "oh shit!" good eats.
in more recent news, i had a pretty good weekend. had a killer cold for the majority of last week, snot oozing continually and an attractively-chafed nose. but by saturday, i was ready to drink free alcohol at my school's christmas party. it was mostly for all the korean teachers, but we foreigners were invited as a gesture of good will. i've found that "free beer" and "good will" sound remarkably similar...so i went to work on saturday, then sat around waiting for the other teachers so we could practice the requisite skit for our branch of the hagwon. it was pretty cool that they involved me in it in the first place. even if it was to read an uber cheesy quote from the movie serendipity. whatever. it all turned out well....
got to the party around 6, then started pounding down beer with the few other foreign teachers who decided to show up. whatever, i'll travel an hour and a half on the subway if the pot of gold is actually a pint glass full of good german beer. at some point shots of tequila entered into the picture, not sure if that was before or after my school's skit. before i'd seen any of the other branch's performances, i was pretty confident in ours, as it told a story and then ended with some cheesy stuff about love. but these other branches weren't fucking around with their skits. lots of choreography and magic. who'd've thunk?
after i sprayed fake snow in an innocent bystander's eye, i knew i was ready for my big moment as an angel spreading christmas cheer in an aerosol can. shortly after the skit and after drinking many more tequila shots, decided to leave the party with some of the other foreign teachers. regrettably, i didn't say goodbye to any of my teachers (keep in mind, there are literally 100s of korean teachers there and about 6 foreign teachers). but i was pretty lit at that point and didn't want to embarass myself. made the bad decision to go to itaewon. it was fine. i really liked the people i was with, but it's always the same reaction as soon as i get there "oh yeah, i remember why i hate this place" (same reaction when i rang in christmas in itaewon). i got a guilt trip about leaving on monday, which i only took a little seriously. my coworker said "we're sposed to be a team." it's a nice idea, but i'm kept out of the loop about so many things that i'm a little skeptical of the team spirit angle.
next day i got drunk in the afternoon, ate copious amounts of meat, went bowling with friends, and watched american gangster. all in all, a pretty great sunday.
on christmas eve i didn't have any plans but decided at the last minute that getting drunk in itaweon sounded like SOMETHING to do at least. so met up with some friends. eventually ended up at a club until the wee hours of the morning. something that's happened, astonishingly, twice in the past month. i'm really a terrible dancer, and yet there i was, dancing like an idiot for an extended amount of time. it was good. after we left the club, some nerdy, drunk foreigner felt like starting a fight with us on hooker hill. of course we avoided it, but only narrowly. i don't even remember what he said that started it all. just some drunk, belligerent guy, like every other drunk, belligerent guy in itaewon.
on christmas i worked from 4:30-10:30. and i was amazed at how many kids actually came to school on christmas. it's a holiday here, too. and there are just as many overzealous christians here as in america.
last triviality. i made a pretty cool discovery. after already exploring the flavor of "banana milk" i branched out yesterday and have stumbled across a drink that tastes exactly like the residual milk in an eaten bowl of captain crunch. raspberry milk. hells yeah.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
i believe i can fly. also, it snowed today. hooray.
so i have some things to talk about. nothing too exciting, but notable as actual qualitative events have recently dotted the otherwise bland horizon of my life. always good to start melodramatically...i'll attribute any forthcoming wordiness to the caffeine. i've noticed that i tend to be a lot happier in general whilst highly caffeinated. that's the nature of addiction, i suppose. yes, my bout of insomnia ended a while ago, so i'm back on the juice. which is why i'm awake right now.
last weekend was a crazy one, at least seen/felt through the eyes and insanely dancing limbs of this not quite old person. firday night i did the usual round of teaching and wanting to pull my chalk-laden hair out by the end of it all (yes, we have ACTUAL chalkboards, which i thoroughly enjoy. something about a whiteboard makes the whole teaching experience less authentic. but yeah, chalk + long hair + light facial perspiration don't mix).
it's been really hard for me these past few weeks to adjust to 4 days of a light work schedule and then teaching 6 hours in a row (out of a book whose vagaries don't really inspire too much confidence) on fridays. i love all my elementary school students, but it requires an energy that i'm not really required to muster too much the rest of the week. yes, i'm complaining about having to actually apply myself. sometimes i'm just not in the mood, particularly when autopilot mode for the middle schoolers is so, well, automatic.
anyway, back to weekend shenanigans. i really should find another word for "shenanigans". i've become too attached...
saturday afternoon after teaching, decided to meet up with a friend for some culture. because cultural things totally fucking rule. first things first when planning any sort of outing: afternoon beers to motivate and mentally prepare oneself for the sensory experience of said culture. after liquid motivation, made our way to the van gogh exhibit. i've mused before on the spectacle that is an art museum in korea (monet and what appeared to be a play date organized by all the mothers of seoul). van gogh wasn't really too different. super crowded, people using their purses and children to nudge others out of the way. and just so those guilty parties know, there's nothing discreet about your maneuvering. i'm privy to your methods.
post van gogh, went to a hookah bar in hongdae. we were the first people there. i guess 8ish isn't universal hookah hour. i don't know what or when the hip kids do [things] these days. still learning...
after hookah went foraging for food. my friend who is a smoker informed me that our chosen order of events was faulty. apparently, eat first, then hookah. next time. we eventually ended up at a chinese place. it was a good way to test my korean skills when the server brought out a dish that i didn't order. a dish that made my face feel like it was melting off. i like spicy food, but for fuck's sake! this is a point where i should edit myself. does anyone really care what i ate for dinner last saturday night? if you do, please let me know. i'm genuinely curious...
after that i assumed the night would end at a drinking establishment of some sort. after an adventurous taxi ride in which we foreigners were fucked over to the tune of 10 bones, met up with my friend clayton (who likes it when i actually use his name when i reference him). drank more beer and ate fondu-ish fruits. i've found that fondu is a good side when drinking copious amounts of alcohol. actually, that makes it sound like i've ever eaten fondu prior to this occassion. i'm a liar. clayton thought a club might be a good idea. fudge a dudge.
so we ended up in gangnam outside "club mass." i had a phase in college where i enjoyed going to these kind of clubs and listening to house music and jungle music and other music that usually really annoys the shit out of me now. i also wore extremely baggy pants with lots o' zippers and made many a bad decision that it's best to only vaguely reference at this point. i'd like to think i'm good at that (vague references).
so we end up at club mass. i walk in and am instantly greeted by the bowel-shaking beats of some long-haired white dj. it was at this point that i said to myself "fuck, what the fuck am i fucking doing here?" so maybe those weren't the exact words, but you get the idea. i'm not really a dancer, but at a place like this you can't just stand there. so i bit the bullet and danced my arse off. to the tune of really regretting it later. hindsight embarassment is 20/20? i guess i didn't really do anything too laughable besides dance in the first place. and i think it's true that there always is someone worse at something than i am. middle of the road is precisely where i best function.
so we were ultimately at the club for about 6 hours. it goes without saying that sleep was in order. so i slept until 5 pm the next day. shitballs, i haven't done that in a long time. tried to salvage the evening, so went and saw "michael clayton", but not before barfing in a random bathroom in the coex mall. classy lassy, all the way.
so that was the good weekend. i believe i'm set for some sort of repeat tomorrow night. going back to the same club to see basement jaxx. that sure takes me back to the raver days of yore. once again, those baggy pants and questionable activities...ahhh, good times.
in other news, i would be remiss not to mention the highlight of my day on wednesday. these days at work i have this special 2 hour speaking class that i really really hate. sometimes 6 kids will show up. sometimes 2. and in my all too real nightmares...1 student. this was a 2 student day. and i decided that "special speaking class" really means twister and teaching my kids how to play spoons. so i brought in twister and played with these elementary school girls. as the younger of the two kids was flailing helplessly on the floor, she started singing, ever so earnestly, "i believe i can fly" at the top of her lungs. and that, in all its innocence, was the highlight of my day. shit, maybe even the highlight of the week. tomorrow something amazing has to happen to top it.
last weekend was a crazy one, at least seen/felt through the eyes and insanely dancing limbs of this not quite old person. firday night i did the usual round of teaching and wanting to pull my chalk-laden hair out by the end of it all (yes, we have ACTUAL chalkboards, which i thoroughly enjoy. something about a whiteboard makes the whole teaching experience less authentic. but yeah, chalk + long hair + light facial perspiration don't mix).
it's been really hard for me these past few weeks to adjust to 4 days of a light work schedule and then teaching 6 hours in a row (out of a book whose vagaries don't really inspire too much confidence) on fridays. i love all my elementary school students, but it requires an energy that i'm not really required to muster too much the rest of the week. yes, i'm complaining about having to actually apply myself. sometimes i'm just not in the mood, particularly when autopilot mode for the middle schoolers is so, well, automatic.
anyway, back to weekend shenanigans. i really should find another word for "shenanigans". i've become too attached...
saturday afternoon after teaching, decided to meet up with a friend for some culture. because cultural things totally fucking rule. first things first when planning any sort of outing: afternoon beers to motivate and mentally prepare oneself for the sensory experience of said culture. after liquid motivation, made our way to the van gogh exhibit. i've mused before on the spectacle that is an art museum in korea (monet and what appeared to be a play date organized by all the mothers of seoul). van gogh wasn't really too different. super crowded, people using their purses and children to nudge others out of the way. and just so those guilty parties know, there's nothing discreet about your maneuvering. i'm privy to your methods.
post van gogh, went to a hookah bar in hongdae. we were the first people there. i guess 8ish isn't universal hookah hour. i don't know what or when the hip kids do [things] these days. still learning...
after hookah went foraging for food. my friend who is a smoker informed me that our chosen order of events was faulty. apparently, eat first, then hookah. next time. we eventually ended up at a chinese place. it was a good way to test my korean skills when the server brought out a dish that i didn't order. a dish that made my face feel like it was melting off. i like spicy food, but for fuck's sake! this is a point where i should edit myself. does anyone really care what i ate for dinner last saturday night? if you do, please let me know. i'm genuinely curious...
after that i assumed the night would end at a drinking establishment of some sort. after an adventurous taxi ride in which we foreigners were fucked over to the tune of 10 bones, met up with my friend clayton (who likes it when i actually use his name when i reference him). drank more beer and ate fondu-ish fruits. i've found that fondu is a good side when drinking copious amounts of alcohol. actually, that makes it sound like i've ever eaten fondu prior to this occassion. i'm a liar. clayton thought a club might be a good idea. fudge a dudge.
so we ended up in gangnam outside "club mass." i had a phase in college where i enjoyed going to these kind of clubs and listening to house music and jungle music and other music that usually really annoys the shit out of me now. i also wore extremely baggy pants with lots o' zippers and made many a bad decision that it's best to only vaguely reference at this point. i'd like to think i'm good at that (vague references).
so we end up at club mass. i walk in and am instantly greeted by the bowel-shaking beats of some long-haired white dj. it was at this point that i said to myself "fuck, what the fuck am i fucking doing here?" so maybe those weren't the exact words, but you get the idea. i'm not really a dancer, but at a place like this you can't just stand there. so i bit the bullet and danced my arse off. to the tune of really regretting it later. hindsight embarassment is 20/20? i guess i didn't really do anything too laughable besides dance in the first place. and i think it's true that there always is someone worse at something than i am. middle of the road is precisely where i best function.
so we were ultimately at the club for about 6 hours. it goes without saying that sleep was in order. so i slept until 5 pm the next day. shitballs, i haven't done that in a long time. tried to salvage the evening, so went and saw "michael clayton", but not before barfing in a random bathroom in the coex mall. classy lassy, all the way.
so that was the good weekend. i believe i'm set for some sort of repeat tomorrow night. going back to the same club to see basement jaxx. that sure takes me back to the raver days of yore. once again, those baggy pants and questionable activities...ahhh, good times.
in other news, i would be remiss not to mention the highlight of my day on wednesday. these days at work i have this special 2 hour speaking class that i really really hate. sometimes 6 kids will show up. sometimes 2. and in my all too real nightmares...1 student. this was a 2 student day. and i decided that "special speaking class" really means twister and teaching my kids how to play spoons. so i brought in twister and played with these elementary school girls. as the younger of the two kids was flailing helplessly on the floor, she started singing, ever so earnestly, "i believe i can fly" at the top of her lungs. and that, in all its innocence, was the highlight of my day. shit, maybe even the highlight of the week. tomorrow something amazing has to happen to top it.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
dudes, this is boring. a nice, glowing endorsement there...
i think this is the third week in a row where i've had to be at work, but not actually working for 4 of my 6 days of work. so it means a lot of sitting around (6 hours/day, to be exact). and yet i got to spend all of sunday--my one day off--being paraded around in front of the parents of potential students at our academy, or rather, another branch of our academy. i've been at work so much lately, not really doing anything for most of that time. i think that ends next week and i get to pretend to be a teacher again.
anyway, at the end of sunday, managed to duck out a little early to go get drunk. seriously, i'd already been there for 6 hours doing absolutely nothing. they seemed offended when i didn't want to stay for the grand opening and then some sort of meal afterwards. i really like everyone i work with, but when i hang out with them outside of work, or inside of work on a day off, it can't help but feeling...well...like work. so yeah, beer was required. went to the same german beer haus (i just like typing that) where i saw an awesome filipino band before. this time i ordered a beer that came in a glass a meter long. that could be the happiest i've been in recent memory. and then a filipino band did take the stage. but it wasn't the same one. these chicks seemed to show a lot more flesh, much to the chagrin of everyone in the audience. or maybe that was just my immediate reaction. is it not december? last i checked winter wasn't leather daisy dukes and bustier weather.
same deal on tuesday, when i was told i had to go to kintex. kintex is a monolithic convention center in ilsan, representative of the continuing economic development in this relatively affluent suburb of seoul (hey, we've got a "chinatown" in the works too. not sure what that means...) i was told there would be around 500 parents there. so i went, stood around for several hours, feeling sort of underutilized and pointless. oh yeah, there were also some jazz hands involved, whilst wearing white gloves, no less. reminded me of my brief stint playing handbells at first baptist church in jeff city. carol of the bells owned!
anyhoo, had to briefly and awkwardly address a room full of people who couldn't understand a fucking word i said, all for show. but at the end of it all i got a free lunch, so i guess it was worth it to stand around all day and feel useless.
the best part of that day was when i got to take a nap on the floor of a bulgogi restaurant with all my other co-teachers. i'm not exaggerating either. this was a full-on nap. at least 30 minutes of snoozing on a heated floor, next to my other co-teachers. it was a nice way to kill time before work. i never think to sleep directly on my floor at home, but this experience planted the idea in my brain for future reference. i'm warming her up as i type this.
nothing of huge significance to report. i joined a gym. but i didn't go at all last week, on account of being hungover most of that time. or just tired from all this work bullshit. of course i still like my job, but i hate being underutilized, especially considering all the things i could be doing were i not at work. art museums, temples, pagodas, bars, mountains. all the things i've yet to see...
i'm losing my vocabulary. how to combat this. i'm not sure. today i bought a little notebook to write down definitions. only definitions. words i don't know. words i used to know but have since forgotten. words that need further explanation. i shall carry it with me at all times. my resolve is strong. as is this resolution.
anyway, at the end of sunday, managed to duck out a little early to go get drunk. seriously, i'd already been there for 6 hours doing absolutely nothing. they seemed offended when i didn't want to stay for the grand opening and then some sort of meal afterwards. i really like everyone i work with, but when i hang out with them outside of work, or inside of work on a day off, it can't help but feeling...well...like work. so yeah, beer was required. went to the same german beer haus (i just like typing that) where i saw an awesome filipino band before. this time i ordered a beer that came in a glass a meter long. that could be the happiest i've been in recent memory. and then a filipino band did take the stage. but it wasn't the same one. these chicks seemed to show a lot more flesh, much to the chagrin of everyone in the audience. or maybe that was just my immediate reaction. is it not december? last i checked winter wasn't leather daisy dukes and bustier weather.
same deal on tuesday, when i was told i had to go to kintex. kintex is a monolithic convention center in ilsan, representative of the continuing economic development in this relatively affluent suburb of seoul (hey, we've got a "chinatown" in the works too. not sure what that means...) i was told there would be around 500 parents there. so i went, stood around for several hours, feeling sort of underutilized and pointless. oh yeah, there were also some jazz hands involved, whilst wearing white gloves, no less. reminded me of my brief stint playing handbells at first baptist church in jeff city. carol of the bells owned!
anyhoo, had to briefly and awkwardly address a room full of people who couldn't understand a fucking word i said, all for show. but at the end of it all i got a free lunch, so i guess it was worth it to stand around all day and feel useless.
the best part of that day was when i got to take a nap on the floor of a bulgogi restaurant with all my other co-teachers. i'm not exaggerating either. this was a full-on nap. at least 30 minutes of snoozing on a heated floor, next to my other co-teachers. it was a nice way to kill time before work. i never think to sleep directly on my floor at home, but this experience planted the idea in my brain for future reference. i'm warming her up as i type this.
nothing of huge significance to report. i joined a gym. but i didn't go at all last week, on account of being hungover most of that time. or just tired from all this work bullshit. of course i still like my job, but i hate being underutilized, especially considering all the things i could be doing were i not at work. art museums, temples, pagodas, bars, mountains. all the things i've yet to see...
i'm losing my vocabulary. how to combat this. i'm not sure. today i bought a little notebook to write down definitions. only definitions. words i don't know. words i used to know but have since forgotten. words that need further explanation. i shall carry it with me at all times. my resolve is strong. as is this resolution.
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